i know i promised photos in the last blog, but i realllllllllly can't be bothered to go and get my camera and then upload, rotate, insert, move, cook, copy, paste them into here. besides, im sure you know what the Hollywood sign looks like. you don't need my disgraceful attempt at capturing it on digital celluloid.

So the other day i went to see jimmy kimmel being filmed in Hollywood. he has a chat show and he's a pretty funny dude. he did this video blog from china about the Olympics, but instead of actually going all the way over there, he took the bus into Chinatown and interviewed these school kids about gymnastics and how they made everyone in China proud. He had two guests on and one of them was Maurice Greene (two time Olympic gold medalist and worlds fastest man for six years) and made a joke about black people running from the police. In essence - he's a funny man.\

i couldn't get my england mobile unlocked so i have to keep hold of my cutting edge motorola. i worked out the reason for my main hatred for it and that is that the space button is on the other side (on the star key) - which if you think about it is easier for leftys, of which i am not.

at the moment i'm in Arcadia which is a suburb of LA for a little bit and last night i went to see 'Hamlet 2' which has Steve Coogan in it, innit. if you like Coogan, you'll love it. Hence, i loved it. He also has a fairly good American accent. You can still tell it's him and/or Partridge though, which is no bad thing. i need to do more cinema-ing because i still need to see wall:e and tropic thunder (to see what all the fuss is aboot, some Americans are offended by it because it makes fun of disableds. they don't know shit.)

i finally had an actual breakfast today, it consisted of good old fashioned cereal, but with a new twist. it was called koala crisp and was little bits of shredded koala and you just dip in ketchup or tabasco or whatever. i opted for ketchup because by my logic you have sausages and you can have ketchup with them and i was told told koala is quite sausagey. they didn't lie. either that, or it's like coco pops and the milk turned chocolatey. you choose whatever version works for you and just run with it. but yesterday i actually did eat some buffalo, in one. it was a tasty beast. the cowboys weren't wrong when they nearly made them extinct.

one bit of sad news to break to you - Dr Dre's kid was found dead the other day. I was listening to Dre when i found out. that's what you call living the dream, forget all this American dream rubbish. Walking down Sunset with Dre pumpin' on the ipod is what it's all about.

on wednesday i did a bus tour around all the sights and got some good photos which i'll put up at the end of this blog. i know earlier i said i couldn't be bothered to get my camera but i got my bother-on and have my camera connected to the computer. that's stream of consciousness for you, eat it and like it james joyce, eat it and like it. anyway, the bus ride was ok, but i was hungover from this drink called 'jungle juice', which is probably the worst drink known to man. i has loads of chopped fruit bits in it so when you take a drink it feels like sick going the wrong way down your throat. but it was only $3 a glass. pain for pleasure. in America they don't have the pound sterling sign on their computer keyboards, instead they have this - #. what would the queen say? i think they need to remember that if it wasn't for us, they wouldn't even be here (a point i made the other day when there was lots of england bashing going on).

moving on, yesterday i walked around LA got about 5 hours. huuuuuuuuge mistake. and i wore a light blue tshirt. i got my calculations wrong and basically looked like i had been swimming, but on in certain bits of my tshirt. it was so rough. and i han't showered that morning having slept in a room with 7 other people with no air con. i was the physical embodiment of hell.

on my walk i took in melrose ave. which is so sweet. it's like all the good places in LDN only in the sun and on one street. if you can't buy clothes on melrose then you should stfu and gtfo, for real.

i think its high time i wrapped this up in one word, bye.

oh, i went to the Hollywood bowl on Wednesday too, but that's another story for another day.

Don't Forget To Read The Small Print In Your Conetract

At the moment i'm living in hollywood in this hostel. Met some cool people who share a hatred of buildings (like the one in which are) that have no air conditioning. It's frekin' hot out here and the least we need in a/c and cold beer. And we only have one those. Disgusting. You wouldn't send your worst enemy here. (It's not that bad, that last bit was for dramatic effect).

Tomorry, i'm giong to the beach to tan and chill out. My arms, legs, and fizzace are brizzown. Everything else is white. Then i'm moving to a friends in Arcadia for a few days and then Vegas baby! In other news, i booked flights to New York so i leave for there next thursday (4th Sept) for a week. Gonna hit up some sights and go back to actual weather. Everyday is the same in Hollywood and i need something new.

Oh, i forgot to mention that when I was at my first downtown hotel (the biltmore) they closed the bar and lobby down because they were filming the FOX series 'Dollhouse' with Eliza Dushku. She was the one from 'Bring It On'. We've all seen that film. Don't judge me.

There's probably some things that i've seen and neglected to mention. But i have most of them noted in my moleskine and i'm sure that they will see the light of the internet soon enough.

Next time there will be photo's of stuff. Maybe one of the Hollywood sign and a crucifix. If you're lucky.

i just wrote a mammoth post. and then somehow deleted it. damn you america, damn you all to hell.

the only man who deserves a star on the hollywood walk of fame is this man...




i havent moved to hollywood yet because there is no room at the inn, so almost exactly like jesus i'm now staying at the sheraton in downtown. it's a pretty good attempt at a stable/manger, but instead it's really tall, made of concrete and glass, and is built on top of a macys. its a good effort though.

i havent really been up to much to write home about really. just been walking around hollywood, altough yesterday i went on an epic walk from the beverly center (where they constantly play the sugababes) into actual beverly hills and then back down melrose and then home. i almost sweated to death. went into a ben sherman store and they went mental at me for being from england (where ben sherman is from). but mental in a good way. all the ben shermans out here are plastered with union jacks, so they had lots of questions to ask about london and england. and london and england.

in the evening i went for mexican food back in hollywood with this girl from the american apparel store at which i bought a new shirt from. the new shirt is tasty. i don't think mexican food really agrees with my stomach, but i battled through and showed no signs of weakness. a lesser man (ie piran) wouldve caved and it wouldve been hell for all concerned. i then went for coffee at ihop (international house of pancakes) which was cool.

today hopefully i'll take some more photos to prove where ive been and to show that i do actually do stuff.

oh, if anyone has spare money, you need to come here just to experience what it's really like (and to check i'm not speaking in a weird english/american accent).

second thoughts, i may go to vegas tomorrow. $64 for a 4star hotel? you bet your ass.

Word Up

finally found an internet place so i thought it was high time i told people that i am still alive and in LA.

the flight over was dynamite. had about a zillion films to choose from as well as games, tv shows, and music. i ended up watching iron man, fawlty towers, half a bullit, and some episodes of flight of the conchords. good stuff. the food we got was pretty awesome too. two three course meals, with metal cutlery. rock out.

played a round of 'who wants to be a millionaire' as well and the second question was one for bricey baby: name the following british band
a] the handsome north
b] the ugly east
c] the sunny west
d] the beautiful south

great stuff.

unluckily for me, i didn't make it past the next question so ended up with fuck all.

we landed about 45 mins early "thanks to favourable conditions". got my bag pretty swiftly and i was ready to bounce.

took a taxi from LAX to downtown (about 30mins away) and had a great chat with the driver. he was from boston and had so many amazing facts about LA and his hometown - thankfully i can't remember any of them. the hotel i'm at is right in the centre of downtown. and im pretty sure ive crashed a helicopter into it on the the first island on gta: san andreas. it's right next to bunker hill and the tallest building in LA is across the road. which is good, i guess.

yesterday (thursday) i pissed about in downtown for a bit cos i woke up at 6am so went for a walk and took in some of the sights. the disney concert hall is pretty impressive, as is the big library. after that thrilling expedition i came home and showered cos it was so damn hot and i forgot to leave to a/c on when i went out. this was an amateur mistake. i took a taxi into hollywood around noon and just walked and walked and walked and walked and walked for hours. its pretty exciting. cue amateur mistake #2 - i wore espadrills. prick. by the end of it my feet were dying. potential blister factor: 6. anyway, whilst i was in hollywood i took in the walk of fame, on hollywood blvd, and chilled on sunset. it was sweet as a nut. for lunch i ate in 'n out burger, which was probably the best burger i've ever had. ever. forget bacon double cheese from burger king, we just rewrote the rule book over here. i bought a book too. it's called sex drugs and cocoa puffs. read the first chapter, it's not as good as everyone says it is. i'll give a chance though, i paid 15bucks for that son 'bitch. to get out of the sun i dropped in to the pig and whistle on hollywood and get two well deserved pints of peroni. chatted to the barmaid and her mate for a while about where to go and whats good so that was cool. every other place that would serve alcohol seemed to be a stripclub and i decided that at 2 in the afternoon it was probably a little early for that kind of action. some would say foolish, many would agree.

got back to t'hotel with broken feet and sweat. cranked the a/c up and just chilled in front of the tv. lots a good movies to chose from, but i chose something better - 'americas best dance crew, season 2 finale: die harder'. it was immense. so immense that i ordered a pizza and a bottle of water. i promptly fell asleep after eating said pizza (sid the dishwasher anyone? anyone?) and missed the end. woke up at 3am to catch the rerun though. great news. the crew i wanted to win didn't, but they were gracious in defeat.

woke up this morning at around 8 and chilled in bed watching saved by the bell and fresh prince on tbs, showered and went for breakfast at this little place by my hotel. i decided that vitamin water is probably the best thing in the free world, although it's basically cordial and water. whatevz.

walked to radio shack and bought a pay and go phone. it's probably the biggest piece of crap motorola ever made, but it was about 15quid (they dont have pound signs on american keyboards - disgraceful). bought some other crap too, which i'll back on in 3 weeks and think 'what a waste of money'. but as mike major rightly points out "you only get one life, one bank account, and one liver". i should probably get that tattooed somewhere, or slip into the new edition of the bible. either way, more people need to know it.



got back to the hotel and watched this crazy program on some news channel about stocks. this guy basically shouts at the camera with loads of toys and wierd phrases about stocks and money. it's quite a sight.

when i ventured out again i just walked around downtown, took some photos (which you can see in this post), popped into the fashion/jewellery district. for lunch i went to this irish bar called caseys. no irishman. my waitress tried to impress me by doing an english accent, it was pretty bad. but i gave her an A for effort, pretty sure it made her day.

now im in kinko's on the corner of 6th and fig writing this. should probably look at places to live for when i move out on sunday because the streets of downtown are no place for the white man after dark. think i'll move nearer to beach, or into WeHo (west hollywood) because from what i've gathered, those places rule. haven't thought about where after that. maybe vegas midweek.

oh, my LA number is 1-323-434-2092. if you call it from england, remember i'm 8 hours behind. if you call it from cali, let's party.

peaceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.